True Self, Alone Self.

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 I feel that to truly change yourself you must do this when you are alone.

If you are a person like myself with a deep desire for affirmation and validation from others, even more so.  I feel as if my entire identity gets confused when around someone I love. Wanting to please them. But also just, the other brings out or underlines sides of me which when alone may play only a tiny role in my identity.  Very confusing.

So what to do other than ask for time alone. But how much time should 1 ask for?

Maybe take time is better an expression.

Take time to find out who I am without external influences.

But really, who am I?

Will anyone love me for being just me, will he, will I still love him?

Why am I so fucking critical?

I feel unable to love anyone entirely and even less if I see them too much or too little.

I’m such a fucked up person.

I need and want attention in such specific ways that it would take 10 men to fullfill them. I don’t want to hurt anyone being so, me. I want those few that I love to be free. Free and absolutely loved.

I fail. I’m a failure.

I want to love and be loved.

I want to know who I am, please.....


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