How we met.

 If I explain how my last partner and I met, you would not believe me.

Today I reread much of what I had written. Seems I barely spoke of my last relationship. Not sure why, maybe because I was living life more than I was writing about life.

Almost 2 years ago, on the 21st of March of 2019 I decided that if nothing nice happened to me for a month, I would decide to commit suicide. I gave myself a month to find something to happen to lift me out of the dark hole I was delving in. By then an emergency team comes to my house on a daily basis, it is called the 2A- Team set up to help people who in the past would have been sent to the nuthouse to keep them safe. This new concept lets you be home and get help.

The 21th of April rolls around. Nothing new happens to lift my spirits, not even the Team feels like a great new start. Not long before I had called the Suicide Helpline and the woman had told me that 1 day I might be ready to go on Tinder.

That day, as the noose I had set up months earlier waited for me, I got scared by my own commitment. I was a danger to myself, as I had had a failed suicide attempt merely 2 months earlier. I knew if I did not look for distraction, I would feel compelled to hang myself. The Team was informed but that day I was going to be alone.

Early that day I decided, I would download Tinder on my computer. So I did.

I got on and started the distraction. I realized today that seducing and being seduced has always been a way for me to try and escape the world. As a woman on Tinder, all you get is seduction and attention. I was chatting it up. Then I came across this guy, he had gone to the same school as me. He had style. Wasn‘t very elaborate on who he was or what he did in life, still, he too got swiped.

Man, it is all rather fun Tinder. I admit to being a seductress and to love being seduced. So yes, it was fun.

Then I get a message from him. Hey, nice that we swiped. We clicked. Not sure how or why. But we had some good laughs, we almost met up at a BBQ at a friend‘s house of his, close to my house. But I eventually said it was too odd. We agreed and though we kept chatting, it was left at that.

In the meantime I had chatted with more men. Time ticked away and soon it would be 12 a.m., I was scared I would push myself to acting upon what I had set out to do. Almost met up with a complete stranger at a place in the fields from which people spot planes, the same I spoke of before with Stefan. All the alarms went off, wanting to have a fast dial for the cops, sending my best friend in the States instructions to message me every 15 minutes and that if he were not to receive a reply to contact the police. You know, exactly as you envisaged your 1st date right?

On my way there I remember saying to myself that I had not had this scared feeling at the idea of going to the BBQ with the other guy. A phone- call  later my best friend tells me to return. I feel guilty and scared the guy will be angry at me, my friend tells me he will take the responsibility. By then I‘m the only person around on the streets and I‘m scared that guy will drive by and stop. By the time I get home I get angry messages. My instinct was right, this was not the right guy for me.

Being new to Tinder I did not know that UnMatching would block him. I learned soon enough.

Many men I chatted with, some I still do. I met several of them, but only dated 1.

We met on May the 1th.

He kissed me on May the 3rd.

After that it was a fun yet bumpy ride.