Your Touch.

-
He will know the song. We went to their concert.
I remember being overwhelmed by the fact the venue was so huge. I would have loved to see the band in a more private setting, by then they just gotten too big and much of the energy of the music was lost in the vastness of the place. Still, I had a blast and he is the one that gave me yet another amazing experience.

While he remembers the fights, I seem to remember the good times.
But so yeah, his touch...
Today I saw him again, had been a while. Strange, I didn't even keep up with how long I had not seen him. I just didn't. Took me some time to muster up the courage to go by his work. I sat in the car for some time and wondered. I don't know, scared of his aloofness, I guess.
He did deliver that. But then, he walked up to me and touched my face.
Just his fingers and then the inside of his gorgeous hands.
I felt alive... for such a long time I had been longing for his touch.
To me, that is the magic of love.
Seeing him after knowing him for more than half of my life and still finding him gorgeous and still finding his touch to be oxygen to my essence, heart and soul...

If he could only just look inside my heart, or feel it. No, even then the solution would still be in my actions, not just my feelings.
I know what I have to change, but though I know more than ever what I want, I seem strangely inhibited to make that change. The why of this escapes me.
But I will figure it out. I will prove to him he and the kittens matter to me the most.
His touch...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Numbness' vicious circle.

-
I have taken anti-depressants for many years. What they don't tell you is how it lowers your libido. How it numbs your feelings. So why would I cheat in an online way, aside from the time the guy came to meet me here and I went too far, yet not all the way. I looked for kicks. Anti-depressants make you numb, only kicks get you to feel alive. I did try to stop taking them often but always got suicidal when I did.
Read more

Time stopped...

-
Everything around me stayed the same... His clothes, his stuff... Years have been spent with me here alone, waiting for him to come home. How annoyed I was when he would come later and later... Then he would go for long walks, 30 minutes, 1 hour, 2 hours, 3 hours... Whatever time he would come home he would go for those walks, always alone. I am used to sitting here in the dark. His entrance being my oxygen. I would start talking talking talking and all he wanted was silence. For no 1 to be there to annoy him. But I always was. Always awaiting him... Some want that, not him. I was nothing of what he wanted. I see that now. I regret being myself. I regret my choices. I regret my blindness... Hindsight, 20/20. Easy to see. I need my oxygen... He needs his alone time. I want no more time alone... I want no more time alone please...
Read more

An actual Pause.

-
I would have loved to hand him a remote that had a Pause Button on it. Here, push it I would tell him. Push it and enjoy your break. But don't forget to push Play when you want to come back to me. But don't just press Stop... When I went away by myself for a few days I bought 2 little clay birds. They are whistles. One for him and one for me. Blow this whistle the day you feel your love for me return I said. They stand beak to beak on top of a frame in the kitchen. One will remain silent and the other will await its call forever. Breaking them would make it easier... Why do people press Stop so easily? Because pushing Pause takes more work.
Read more