For who do you do what you do?

-
I feel normal humans do everything they do because they want to for themselves.
they get pretty, they cook, they work, they do whatever...
I tend to make myself pretty when someone will see me.
I will cook mostly for him because I want to make him happy.
I don't work but whatever I do I so often do so others could see what I made and hopefully like it too.

How do you get to find yourself important enough to do anything?
I look at these YouTube girls, half my age and wonder... are they like me in a way?
I follow Safiyah and Tyler, Barry Lewis, Mia Maples, some of Curiosity Incorporated, JazzyBum, and some others.
Do they really want to be acknowledged doing trivial stuff also to have a sense of use or importance?
I have no clue... But I would understand it if it was that simple.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Numbness' vicious circle.

-
I have taken anti-depressants for many years. What they don't tell you is how it lowers your libido. How it numbs your feelings. So why would I cheat in an online way, aside from the time the guy came to meet me here and I went too far, yet not all the way. I looked for kicks. Anti-depressants make you numb, only kicks get you to feel alive. I did try to stop taking them often but always got suicidal when I did.
Read more

Time stopped...

-
Everything around me stayed the same... His clothes, his stuff... Years have been spent with me here alone, waiting for him to come home. How annoyed I was when he would come later and later... Then he would go for long walks, 30 minutes, 1 hour, 2 hours, 3 hours... Whatever time he would come home he would go for those walks, always alone. I am used to sitting here in the dark. His entrance being my oxygen. I would start talking talking talking and all he wanted was silence. For no 1 to be there to annoy him. But I always was. Always awaiting him... Some want that, not him. I was nothing of what he wanted. I see that now. I regret being myself. I regret my choices. I regret my blindness... Hindsight, 20/20. Easy to see. I need my oxygen... He needs his alone time. I want no more time alone... I want no more time alone please...
Read more

An actual Pause.

-
I would have loved to hand him a remote that had a Pause Button on it. Here, push it I would tell him. Push it and enjoy your break. But don't forget to push Play when you want to come back to me. But don't just press Stop... When I went away by myself for a few days I bought 2 little clay birds. They are whistles. One for him and one for me. Blow this whistle the day you feel your love for me return I said. They stand beak to beak on top of a frame in the kitchen. One will remain silent and the other will await its call forever. Breaking them would make it easier... Why do people press Stop so easily? Because pushing Pause takes more work.
Read more