Decluttering my life.

I want to declutter.
My mind and my actual clutter too.
In some strange way, my clutter and all the things I have kept from the past have formed like a little time bubble in which you get to hide. Even when you don't look at the things, the fact they are there, physical reminders of some happy times is comforting.
But now I want to declutter.

I have been watching people in tiny houses and it shows me how wonderful it must be to have less stuff and more being inside the world. During this past year I have so wanted to pick up the kittens and him and step into a van and go into nature.
To break free from the restraints that at the same time lure me so.
A house, a home, a little place with all your stuff. Nice and warm and filled.
A house, a large garden, little bit of stuff you cherish. Nice and warm and full of oxygen.
All I need or want are the kittens and him. Okay and some pretty things because they make happy.
I am addicted to pretty things and yet I find myself still surrounded by much clutter.

But I feel as if, to have any shot at a life with him, a life together I would have to declutter both my physical world and my head. It is as if the clutter drags you down to a place of little or not options, little or no movement, little or no change.
I want change, the biggest part of me wants to step into the world, not back into my cocoon.
Not sure if it will work. Not sure if I am able to. Not sure if it will bring me back to him.
But it is worth doing and seeing. Because the cluttered mind and surroundings have not let me breathe in a long time.
If you know how much I already tossed out, burned, gave away. Astounding I still have so much to go through and obviously, that what is left is now the hardest to declutter.
But I don't have him to ask what to do with this or that and I have to rely on me.
Power to the self!
Doubting the self...
But I have to do this and I will do this.