There is no way out.

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I am finding no way out of this.
I have to find a house and lack the financial input to find a house in the area I have always lived in (have only lived in 2 houses) and even less so a house with a garden.
My pride is melting like snow in the sun. I want to start begging for money, a house... security.

To find a house is to find a base.
To have a garden is needed for my anxiety as much as for the kittens.
Without a garden I fail to provide for them what they want.
If I fail at that, I have to let them live with him.
So what do I do?
The kittens are my best friends.
Without finding a house and a garden no stability.
No new nest to feel safe in.
No base from which to work.
No way out...
Please someone help me so I don't have to listen to my suicidal thoughts...
I so want to find some peace of mind...

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