So very confused and suicidal thoughts.

So many months gone by off on and off, off and trying that I was confused...
I wanted to hang myself there and then.
Suicidal thoughts have been part of my life since a teenager.

The attempts never truly motivated but often close at hand.
Many a shrink had asked him how he had felt about this to which he would say that it didn't do much to him. Now he says, the fact they asked me this must have meant it should have affecte him.
But he has a very strange attitude to emotionailty.

I however feel bad for having burdened him with those thoughts. I speak too openly about them. He says I speak of them too lightly. But that is not true. I just don't see why I should be ashamed of them. However, I feel ashamed of what it may have done to him.
His lack of reaction did make me feel he didn't care much.

I should have known better. But selfishness was not just a trait of his, also of mine.
When you are depressed you tend to look only at your own side of things.